Five Things That College Actually Taught Me
College is a very weird time for most of us. We’re not children anymore, but we’re not full-fledged adults yet. Or as Britney Spears would put it, “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.”
For any incoming first-year students (or anyone really) who need advice, here are five things that college actually taught me.
Just Say Yes!
I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is a phrase I’ve carried with me throughout my college career. During convocation my freshman year, Dr. Stephanie Slocum-Schaffer delivered a speech about how college is a time to try new things. She used the tagline “Just say yes!” to illustrate her point. This tagline became a running joke among my classmates, but despite that, it was actually really good advice.
A running theme of this chapter of my life has been doing a little bit of everything. I’ve been on the Debate Team, worked with the Stubblefield Institute, hosted a radio show, been an A-Team leader, been on SGA, gone to parties, gone to clubs, changed my major, won trivia eight times – the list goes on and on and on. All of this has helped shape me into who I am today. When an opportunity comes my way, for the most part, I just say yes. That attitude has set me ahead of a lot of people who were too scared to say yes, too scared to try new things. A lot of seniors express regret for not trying new things when they had the opportunity.
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime.
A couple of years ago, I was venting to my best friend about an argument with somebody else that I thought was a friend. My best friend told me, “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” I know this sounds like it belongs on a Hallmark card, but nevertheless, it’s true.
When I look back at friendships from freshman and sophomore year, it’s hard to imagine how those people would fit into my life today. College is a time of growth; therefore, you are inevitably going to grow apart from people you may not have expected to. Don’t take it too hard. Some people were only brought into your life for a reason: to teach you a lesson, or a season: to keep you company for a short period of time. Focus on the people who are there for a lifetime. You won’t know who these people are off the bat, but over time, it will become more and more apparent who’s in it for the long run.
Vulnerability Is a Strength.
Vulnerability is scary. It is scary as hell to let people get to know you, the real you. For the majority of my life, I put on a mask of confidence and strength. It kept my true feelings hidden and convinced people around me that I was put together. Not letting people in was a way to protect myself.
A counselor here (Shout out Counseling Services. I love them.) pointed this out to me. I thanked her at the time because I viewed it as a strength, and I will never forget when she said, “That wasn’t a compliment. It was an observation.” That shook me to my core, and I had to re-evaluate why I thought that was a strength. I had been talking to her about not feeling close to anyone, and that was the reason why. I wouldn’t let anyone know the real me.
Over time, I worked with her and learned how to remove the mask when necessary, and I realized that being vulnerable is the only way to truly connect with people. There are times when the mask needs to be put back on, but for the most part, I live without it now.
Be That as It May.
In college, shit happens. It just does. There really isn’t any other way to put it. We’re all going through major changes in our lives, and shit is bound to happen, be it a breakup, failing a class, losing a friend, etc. What you have to remember is that life goes on.
A little mantra I like to use for these situations is, “Be that as it may.” This serves as a reminder that you can’t change the past, no matter how long you feel like dwelling on it. Eventually, you have to pick yourself back up and get to class. For example, “I just went through an awful breakup, but be that as it may, I still need to get this degree,” or, “I just had a huge argument with my best friend, but be that as it may, I still need to finish this paper.”
This Isn’t the End.
Now, I mean absolutely no shade, but there is nothing sadder to watch than a group of people who peaked in college reminiscing on the “good old days” as if they didn’t literally graduate within the past three years. They move two blocks down the street (if that far) and continue to hang out with college students like they are still students themselves. It gives me extreme second-hand embarrassment.
It’s one thing to really enjoy college and to come back every so often to visit old friends or even to be employed by the university after graduation. As a matter of fact, good for you, but to not be able to move on from this era of your life is a whole different story. At some point, you just have to let it go. Otherwise, it will hinder your growth as a person, and you’ll mentally be a college student for the rest of your life, and that’s embarrassing.
Of course, this isn’t the be-all-end-all of The College Experience. This is just some advice that has helped me get through successfully. At the end of the day, remember what Britney says, “If you look at me closely, you will see it in my eyes; This girl will always find her way,” and so will you.
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