the weekly hump
October 29, 2013 | by Chelsea Demello
The Weekly Hump: Taming the Beast of Jealousy

I believe all with jealousy issues should examine their relationship before continuing it.

First of all, let me just say that jealousy is different than cheating. While cheating is an action, jealousy is an expression of emotion. In some cases, individuals do have inklings that their lovers are being unfaithful, but jealousy has its own issue of negatively affecting relationships.

From my experiences, I have learned that jealousy is a tornado of insecurity and a lack of the ability to regulate a situation. What is so disturbing about this emotion is sometimes nothing even happens before a completely balanced relationship is destroyed. A misinterpretation here, a bad day there and watch out world!

For example, when we get jealous enough, why do we turn into trained National Security Agents? We’re suddenly listening to voicemails again for the seventh time (checking to see if you can identify whose voice was in the background), interpreting texts (that period makes a difference) and examining photos (you hate the fact that he didn’t tag you in a photo, is all you can think about).

“You see that? This tweet he sent is marked at 3:17 a.m. and he told me good night three hours ago. So what has he been doing?” says the irrational.

This type of jealousy is not good for obvious reasons, not only for you but for your partner. If you are going to commit to a relationship with someone, you need to be comfortable with letting him still be an individual without having to face the wrath of the dragon. Constantly exhausting your efforts only to find nothing will ruin a relationship and tear at your mental state. Seek counseling if these issues are starting to become an unmanageable problem.

Yet, what if you are the one on the other side of the shield? If the relationship is worth it, then that is a decision you will need to make based upon its effect on your life. If it is still salvageable, communicate and make it clear how the problem is starting to affect you.

Unfortunately, some won’t ever tame the beast, and you have to decide if you want to be the partner who takes the beast for a walk or picks it up at the police station after it terrorizes the city.

So, what about that pinch of jealousy? Is it healthy to have some in a relationship? The vital component is incorporating it into your relationship in a positive way. If you go out with your girlfriend or boyfriend and someone has recognized one of you in passing, depending upon the relationship itself, knowing that someone else finds your partner attractive can be stimulating. A sprinkle of jealousy works well because it sends the message you are still attractive on the single playing field and not just a stale piece of bread. However, if you give any more weight to the recognition, it could create problems or even worse — release the beast within.

Just remember that when it comes to nurturing your relationship, a little bit can go a long way.

 

Chelsea Demello

Editor in Chief

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